{"id":38,"date":"2004-04-01T11:59:10","date_gmt":"2004-04-01T19:59:10","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=38"},"modified":"2011-09-12T03:25:43","modified_gmt":"2011-09-12T10:25:43","slug":"star-wars-predictions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/archives\/2004\/04\/01\/star-wars-predictions\/","title":{"rendered":"<i>Star Wars<\/i> predictions"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So everyone knows that <i>Star Wars: Episode III<\/i> is going to suck and blow harder than <a href=\"http:\/\/www.pantheon.org\/articles\/c\/charybdis.html\" class=\"unemphasized\">Charybdis<\/a>.  <i>Episode I<\/i>, <i>Episode II<\/i>, and Lucas&#8217; butchering of the original trilogy certainly don&#8217;t provide much evidence to the contrary. (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.fecundity.com\/pmagnus\/greedo.html\" class=\"unemphasized\">Han shot first<\/a>, damnit.)<\/p>\n<p>Not only will there doubtlessly be poor dialogue and worse acting by the main players, but we already know the plot.  We know where <i>Episode II<\/i> leaves off and where <i>Episode IV<\/i> begins; we only need to connect to the dots.  Yawn.<\/p>\n<p class=\"subtitle\">&#8220;Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you&#8217;re my only hope.&#8221; or &#8220;I find your lack of faith disturbing.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>But maybe there&#8217;s a way to salvage this mess.  What if we don&#8217;t know what we <em>think<\/em> we know?<\/p>\n<p>For example, everyone is expecting Anakin to become Vader. What if he&#8217;s not? Perhaps Vader is a clone of Anakin. This could explain a few things:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The stupid midochlorian plot element of <i>Episode I<\/i>. It could have been written in as a (lame) way to get a blood sample from Anakin sent off to Coruscant.<\/li>\n<li>How Vader was unaware that he had children. Perhaps they weren&#8217;t his but instead were the original Anakin&#8217;s.<\/li>\n<li>Obi-Wan&#8217;s lies and half-truths from different points of view. Maybe Vader really did kill Luke&#8217;s father.<\/li>\n<li>Why Emperor Palpatine, while speaking to Vader in <i>The Empire Strikes Back<\/i>, refers to Luke as &#8220;the son of Skywalker&#8221;.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Or it could be the other way around, and a clone of Anakin sires Luke and Leia.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, it&#8217;s far more likely that <i>Episode III<\/i> is going to be another boring piece of trash with nothing substantial to add. I can dream, though&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>(<em>&#8220;Nerrrrrrrrrrrd.&#8221;<\/em>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So everyone knows that Star Wars: Episode III is going to suck and blow harder than Charybdis. Episode I, Episode II, and Lucas&#8217; butchering of the original trilogy certainly don&#8217;t provide much evidence to the contrary. (Han shot first, damnit.) Not only will there doubtlessly be poor dialogue and worse acting by the main players, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[33],"class_list":["post-38","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","tag-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=38"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=38"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=38"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slimjimmy.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=38"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}